The Tooth Santa
by chiheerios
Summary: Scorpius goes for his first dentist appointment and Draco promptly scares him. Dramione. One-shot.


"Where are we going again, Mummy?"

Young Scorpius Malfoy held onto his mother, Hermione's, hand as they walked down a street in Muggle London. He was fascinated by all the sights Muggle London had to offer. It seemed a lot brighter here than it did in Diagon Alley, where his parents would occasionally bring him on weekends.

"We're going to Grandma and Grandpa Granger's dentist office." Hermione said, "Now that you have a lot of big boy teeth, Grandma and Grandpa have to check on them to make sure they're healthy."

"Oh, okay." Scorpius liked visiting Grandma and Grandpa Granger. They were a lot less strict than his Nana and Pop Pop Malfoy and they let him watch the television when he went over to their house. Scorpius was fascinated by the television, as his own family didn't have one.

"Are we almost there, Mummy?" Scorpius asked, tugging lightly on her hand. The light at the crosswalk they were stopped at signaled that pedestrians could not cross.

"Yes, it's just across the street, honey." Hermione replied, pulling a planner out of her handbag. She flipped to the date and gasped a little.

"What? What?" Scorpius was curious now. He reached a small hand up to look at his mother's planner.

Hermione shut it and put it back in her bag.

"Daddy's also went to visit Grandma and Grandpa Granger." Hermione smiled, "He's getting his teeth checked on too."

Scorpius was excited now. If his dad was there, it had to be fun!

When the light changed, Scorpius dragged his mother across the street and into the dentist's office. A few people were waiting in the waiting room, but none were his father.

"Mummy, Daddy isn't here." Scorpius pouted, "Where is he?"

As Hermione was beginning to answer, a voice chimed in.

"I'm right here, Scorp."

Scorpius turned to the voice and saw his father emerge from behind the receptionist's desk. He ran towards his father.

"Daddy! How was it?" he asked excitedly.

"Yeah." Hermione sidled up behind their son and put her hands on his shoulders, "How was your check-up?"

Draco felt himself sweat a little. While he'd always tried to have his teeth in top shape, he hadn't been prepared for what the Muggle dentists-not to mention his _in-laws_-considered dentistry. While cavities and root canals could be fixed with a wave or a tap of the wand, the Muggle dentists has _scraped, picked, and scratched _Draco's teeth clean with small, metal instruments. Draco had been appalled to discover he had a cavity, albeit a small one, and the treatment had been some scraping and filling, totally different from the wizarding dentists he usually went to.

"Uh, er…it was good. Not the typical dentistry I'm used but…eh. It was a fine check-up" Draco shrugged and tried to play it cool. He didn't necessarily want Hermione to know about his cavity and how his in-laws had gave him a questioning glance when they saw it.

Hermione gave him a pointed look and ushered Scorpius into a chair in the waiting room.

"Uh huh…"

"Don't believe me?" Draco smirked.

"No, not really." Hermione smoothed Scorpius' hair down.

"Daddy, how was it?" Scorpius piped up from the chair, swinging his legs back and forth. "Tell me how your check-up went!"

Draco chuckled, "Well-"

"Um…Mrs. Malfoy? Can you come back here for a second?" the receptionist called, "Dr. Granger would like to speak with you for a moment."

"Alright." Hermione left her family and the receptionist ushered her into a small office.

"So?" Scorpius looked to his father, "Check-up, Daddy! Tell me!"

Draco didn't know what to say. _It's okay son, it's just Grandma or Grandpa sticking a couple metal rods and picks in your mouth, scraping up your teeth and brushing them with a miniature shoe buffer, nothing to be afraid of. Oh, and if you have a cavity, be prepared for more scraping and some filling._

"Uh…it was good, Scorpius."

"How good?"

"I don't know, Scorpius! As good as having metal rods pick and scrape at your teeth can be and as good as a shot of Novocain can be."

Scorpius' eyes begin to water.

"I…I don't want that!" Scorpius sniffles, on the verge of breaking out in tears, "I hate shots!"

_ Crap, I shouldn't have said that!_

"B-but it was worth it!" Draco quips, trying to cover his tracks, "Because I got to see the tooth…" he pauses for a moment, pondering what magical creature the Muggles tell their children takes teeth. Thinking about this reminds Draco of when he first heard about the Easter bunny and was surprised that Muggle children truly believe a giant rabbit (probably the size Hagrid would consider cute and pocket-sized) leaves eggs in their yards.

"The tooth…Santa."

Scorpius looks up at his father through watery eyes.

"The…tooth Santa? But, Daddy, Santa only comes on Christmas!"

"N-no. You see, Scorpius, many people don't know that Santa has a twin brother who collects teeth from boys and girls. He gets bored sitting in the North Pole all year with Christmas Santa bragging about his big job, so his brother hands out trinkets or money when boys and girls lose their teeth."

_ Oh yeah, it definitely was the tooth Santa. Good job, Draco._

"Why does Santa's brother need teeth, Daddy?"

"To make dentures." Draco says the first thing that comes to mind, "You know…they're like…removable teeth. They're for people without teeth."

Scorpius seems to think for a minute.

"I think dentures would be good to have. Then I wouldn't have to brush my teeth."

"Ew, Scorpius. If you don't brush your teeth, then…the tooth Santa will knock you out and take all your teeth without leaving you money or dentures. You'll be like little cousin Lily and have to eat mush for the rest of your life."

For some reason, this makes Scorpius burst into tears.

"I don't want to eat your cooking for the rest of my life!" Scorpius cries, "When you cook dinner, it's mushy and gross, so I always feed it to Crookshanks!"

Draco's jaw drops. He wasn't expecting that. He thought he'd been getting better at cooking, although he noticed that after every dinner he made, Scorpius would linger by the cabinet where his mother kept the snacks and Hermione would take an excruciatingly long time making tea for herself and would often insist Draco could go about his business.

Draco makes a move to placate Scorpius.

"It-it's okay, Scorp. I-"

Scorpius begins to cry harder and that's when Hermione swoops into the picture. She emerges from the back office and rushes over to her sobbing son and flustered husband.

"What happened?" she moves to wrap her arms around Scorpius to coddle him. She lifts him up and he wraps his arms around her and begins to sob into her shoulder.

"D-Daddy said that if I don't brush my teeth, the tooth Santa will come and knock me out and steal all my teeth and then I'll have to eat his food for the rest of my life!"

Hermione's eyes widen and she tosses a look at Draco.

"Don't worry, Scorpius. It's okay. Mummy won't let that happen to you.", she pulls out a tissue and wipes her son's face, "Grandma and Grandpa won't let that happen either. They know what they're doing."

This seems to calm Scorpius down and after a few minutes, the receptionist calls Scorpius over and says that he's ready to get seen by the dentist. He disappears behind the wall.

Hermione looks at Draco.

"The tooth Santa? Really, Draco? Of all things to tell our son, you tell him Santa will come and knock him out to take his teeth?"

"Santa's _brother_," Draco corrects "besides, those Muggle fairy tales you read him are so violent, I feel like this is right up there with it. Take _The 12 Dancing Princesses_, they literally drug people in that story."

Hermione shakes her head. "Are you a rude idiot every time of the day?"

Draco shrugs and smirks at her.

"No…I sleep too."

Hermione gives him an exasperated look.

"Oh and by the way, it's the tooth _fairy_, not the tooth _Santa._ And she doesn't take teeth for dentures. She just takes them. That's that."

"That's disturbing as hell. Why is everything Muggle so disturbing? First, your giant rabbit that leaves eggs, then your drugged and murderous fairy-tales, and now, a fairy who steals teeth for no reason? I bet it's a fetish."

Hermione sighs. Her husband could be utterly hopeless when he wanted to be.

**a/n;**

** This was written for the Dialogue Prompt Challenge, as was my last one shot! The dialogue I had was "**_**Are you a rude idiot every time of the day?" "No, I sleep too."**_

** This one was incredibly fun to write and I love imagining Draco being so confused about everything Muggle.**

** This was inspired by HermioneMalfoy79's adorable Dramione one-shots!**

**Reviews are much appreciated! Thanks for reading!**


End file.
